The rap industry has long been dominated by males, with only a handful of female acts crossing over into the mainstream. However, in the past few years, Young Money affiliate Nicki Minaj has emerged as a force to be reckoned with, and is quickly becoming hip hop’s hottest female goofy face maker.
“I just want to be the best at making goofy faces,” says Nicki. “Making goofy faces is my passion. I feel blessed to have so many fans of my goofy faces, and I plan to make even goofier faces in the future.”
To date, Nicki Minaj has made goofy faces in several high profile music videos, including Ludacris’ “My Chick Bad,” Mariah Carey’s “Up Out My Face (Remix),” Young Money’s “Bedrock,” and her own “Massive Attack” and “Itty Bitty Piggy.” Yet the multiracial, openly bisexual goofy face maker says her talent goes all the way back to childhood.
“I grew up watching a lot of In Living Color,” says Nicki. “Fire Marshall Bill was like a hero to me. I wanted to make goofy faces just like Jim Carrey, and I would practice in front of the mirror for hours. My dream was to be the Fire Marshall Bill of hip hop.”
This dream came true when Dirty Money CEO Fendi discovered pictures of Nicki Minaj’s goofy faces on MySpace. He quickly signed the aspiring goofy face maker to his label, where she made goofy faces on “The Carter Edition” of Young Money’s The Come Up DVD series. Shortly thereafter, she was contacted by Lil’ Wayne, who asked her to make goofy faces on a variety of projects.
Three years later, Nicki Minaj is the most successful and sought-after goofy face maker in hip hop. Her Twitter account has over 750,000 followers, her music videos receive millions of views online, and she has inspired young women everywhere to start making goofy faces. Yet the New York City native still finds ways to stay humble.
“I try to remember my roots,” says Nicki. “I remember when I was a kid, playing Super Mario 64…you know the title screen? Where you could stretch Mario’s face out? I used to play that for hours. I never even played the rest of the game. I would just make a goofy face on Mario, and try to make my face look like that. I just did it because it was fun. I had no idea that when I grew up, that’s how I’d make my living.”
In 2010, Nicki Minaj is slated to make goofy faces in several high-profile projects, such as the music video for Lil’ Wayne’s “Knockout,” the music video for her own “Your Love,” and a sex tape. But when asked if she will ever branch out as a musical artist, the 26-year-old goofy face maker laughs it off.
“No, I don’t think anyone wants to hear me rap!” says Nicki. “Trust me.”
Def Jam Records has just released the official tracklist and cover art for Kanye’s fifth studio album, Good-Ass Job.
1. Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Hipster 2. Shoes, Shoes, Shoes! 3. HELP MY CAPSLOCK BUTTON IS STUCK 4. Yes, I Like Fish Sticks 5. You’re Welcome, Taylor Swift 6. AutoTune Is So Cool 7. AutoTune Is So Lame 8. AutoTune Is So….I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE 9. Martin Van Buren Doesn’t Care About Welsh People 10. Shoes. OHMYGOD. Shoes. (ft. Kelly) 11. Yo, Eyjafjallajökull! I’m Really Happy For You, And I’mma Let You Finish, But Mýrdalsjökull Had The Greatest Volcanic Eruption Of All Time! 12. Some Bragging Over An Old Daft Punk Song 13. Hey Jay Leno, What Would Your Dead Mother Say About Asking People About Their Dead Mother? 14. Credibility (ft. Common & Mos Def) 15. Please Do Not Confuse This Album With Clay Aiken’s “Good Ass-Job” 16. Preemptive Apologies For Everything I’m Going To Do In The Next Ten Years
Rumor has it that on this album the usually shy West reveals what he thinks about himself. (Spoiler alert: He’s impressed.)
He also makes frequent reference to a “Louis Vuitton Don,” which sounds like a metrosexual mafioso. That is INCORRECT. “Louis Vuitton Don” is a nickname Kanye gave to himself, because he is like a fashion-conscious Don Quixote. Obviously, this makes Jay-Z his Sancho Paza and Amber Rose his Dulcinea. It also explains why Kanye frequently destroys windmills.
Good-Ass Job hits stores September 13th, and will come with a free pair of elastic, glow-in-the-dark skinny jeans.
Pandemonium broke out at the Lakeside Shopping Center last weekend, as rapper and producer Master P mooned a crowd of dozens, making them say “uhhh.”
“I warned you!” screamed Master P, as security personel dragged him away. “I f-cking warned you!”
The incident took place around 2PM at the Center Court, located between Dillards and J.C. Pennies. Patrons shopping for a new summer wardrobe were reportedly shocked to see a middle-aged man in gaudy No Limit clothing suddenly drop his pants and grin from ear to ear.
“I thought he was going to stop when he was in his boxers,” said Dorothy Clesgood, 54. “But then he dropped those too and - oh, geez, I had to say ‘uhh!’ We all did. It’s really gross to look at a butt.”
After dropping his boxers, Master P, 43, reportedly wagged his butt from side to side, chanting “Na-nah, na-nah! Na-nah na-nah!” Lakeside Shopping Center patrons - which ranged from teenagers to the elderly to small families - responded by saying, “Uhh!” and shielding their eyes. Master P then repeated his chant of “Na-nah, na-nah! Na-nah, na-nah!” multiple times before being arrested by mall security.
Police say it isn’t uncommon to see Master P in Metairie, Louisiana, as it is a suburb of his birthplace, New Orleans. However, this is his first incident of public indecency, and they are taking it seriously.
“It’s true that he warned us,” said Officer Dan Steele. “He said he was going to make us say ‘uhhh’ in 1997, and we ignored him. Now we’re paying the price. But you know what? We learn from our mistakes and we’re not going to let the No Limit Soldiers win - if we ever get word that Master P, Fiend, Silkk the Shokker, Mia X or Mystikal are in Metairie again, we will sound a red alert. No one’s going to make the good people of this town say ‘uhhh’ ever again.”
It is unclear what precisely Master P might be planning. The veteran MC refused to speak to reporters as he was escorted from the mall - though he did take a moment to scream at a nearby Radio Shack, “I got the hook-up! Holler if you hear me! Uhhh! I got the hook-up! Holler if you hear me!”
Radio Shack employees are reportedly “terrified” and have doubled their security in response.
- Posted by JOE
Note: If you are wondering why there were no articles last week, it was because I took the week off. It was NOT because I ‘became unstuck in time’. Those are vicious and entirely baseless rumors. It would be in the best interest of the people spreading them to stop, because they are NOT prepared to reap the consequences. I am only saying this once. Your move.
Rapper Canibus is being accused of plagiarism for his latest album, Prentice Hall Biology. While the underground MC has always been known for his scientific rhymes, critics say that his new album crosses the line - in that everything he raps is quoted verbatim from the high school science textbook Prentice Hall Biology, by Miller & Levine.
“Most of the universe consists of matter and energy,” raps Canibus on the opening song, “Atoms and Molecules.” “Energy is the capacity to do work / Matter has mass and occupies space / All matter is composed of basic elements / that cannot be broken down to substances / with different chemical or physical properties.”
“I really can’t support this,” says Canibus fan Doug McCallister, while playing Starcraft 2 in his parents’ basement. “I mean, Canibus is ill. I loved ‘Poet Laureate II.’ But it’s not right to steal like this. I knew something was wrong when Canibus’ lyrics sounded coherent, and I started to learn something.”
Prentice Hall Biology is Canibus’ tenth studio album, and each song has the same title as a chapter in Prentice Hall Biology, the high school science textbook. Since there are no choruses, each track consists of Canibus rapping random passages verbatim, with the only deviations being the occasional “yeah,” “yo” or “uh!”
On the lead single, “Evolution,” Canibus raps, “Gene flow moves alleles among populations / through interbreeding as well as by migration / of breeding individuals. Gene flow increases variation / within a population / by introducing new alleles produced in another population.”
“Look, I know what to expect when I listen to a Canibus album,” says Canibus fan Winston Feingold, while playing World of Warcraft in his dark studio apartment. “I expect beats by people I’ve never heard of, songs with no structure whatsoever, and dope ass rhymes that reference literature, science and philosophy. I don’t want to hear Canibus plagiarize a high school science textbook. Although this is still better than C: True Hollywood Stories.”
The writers of Prentice Hall Biology, Ken Miller and Joe Levine, remain unsure if they’re going to press charges.
“We thought about suing Canibus to get a cut of his record sales,” says Ken, “but he doesn’t really have any record sales.”
“Then we thought about suing Canibus to get our names listed on his album as songwriters,” says Joe. “But we heard his songs and we don’t really want to take credit for them.”
Prentice Hall Biology - the Canibus album - is available to purchase online, and at that sketchy Best Buy in your state’s biggest city. While Miller & Levine debate whether or not to press charges, they take comfort in knowing the plagiarism is so obvious - on multiple songs, Canibus raps the discussion questions at the end of each textbook chapter.
“Why are sponges classified as animals?” raps Canibus on “Invertebrates.” “Why is the movement of water key to a sponge’s survival? / Match the terms on the left with the definitions on the right / Osculum, spiculus, pores, coanocytes, archaeocytes / Describe how a sponge feeds / What triggers a sponge to produce gemmules?”
Early this morning, Salt Lake City police found the body of missing Interscope Records publicist Jessica Dunlop in the meat freezer of the traveling San Zhi Circus. The freezer belonged to lion tamer Miles Gunner, who was immediately arrested and taken into custody. Upon closer inspection of the body, police discovered that it was perfectly intact, except for one shocking detail - the brain was missing.
Miles Gunner, 52, is tall, athletic and bald, with a black goatee and the curious tattoo “DWF” on his spine. He joined the San Zhi Circus sometime in the 1980’s, and gained notoriety for his masterful control of the lions. While most lion tamers used whips and harsh words to control their beasts, Miles used nothing. The lions seemed preternaturally scared of him, and were instantly servile at all times. It is unclear why a lion tamer would murder a Los Angeles-based publicist, but Miles directly admitted his involvement in the crime.
“I am responsible for what has happened to Jessica, though it is erroneous to say she is dead,” stated Miles. “She is free. And it would be a grave, grave mistake to remove the body from the freezer and let it spoil. I say that not as a threat, but because Jessica would find it insulting. She would not like that very much, at all.”
Miles refused to say where Jessica’s brain was located, and police did not find it during a comprehensive search of the San Zhi Circus premises. They were also unable to glean a motive from Miles, who answered each question calmly, staring out at the crowd of policeman and journalists with piercing black eyes.
“I did this because I am a psychopath, like you might see in the movies,” stated Miles matter-of-factly. “And I acted completely alone, so there is no need for you to investigate further. I would just like to say that it is very unfortunate that you decided to turn me in, Esmeralda - very, very unfortunate.”
Esmeralda Mills, 31, is the wife and assistant to magician Darren Hunt, 33. The couple had recently joined the San Zhi Circus as a performing act, though Esmeralda had always been leery of the “creepy” staff members.
“It is like everyone here is keeping a secret,” said Esmeralda. “It’s hard to describe. They liked my husband, and always said he had ‘potential,’ but they were very stand-offish to me. Especially Miles. It was terrifying how he would always look at you without speaking, and how wherever he went, there was the overwhelming smell of fish.”
Esmeralda became increasingly suspicious over the past week, as Miles appeared more haggard than usual. “I knew something was up,” said Esmeralda. “I had this terrible dream one night, about a short, pale man with spiky blond hair. Then I woke up and saw these weird lights on in Miles’ tent. The whole week after that, he was acting weird. So I sneaked into his tent the other night, found the body in the freezer, and called the police.”
San Zhi Circus performers refused to comment on the matter, and police quickly grew frustrated with the staff. Though the circus employs about a hundred people, and claims to constantly tour throughout the country, there is no bookkeeping or paperwork to confirm any of it. The San Zhi Circus manager, Lee Wen-Yeh, does not speak English, and the San Zhi Circus owners are unnamed, purportedly living at an undisclosed address somewhere in Taiwan.
Darren Hunt says that he and Esmeralda are done performing with the San Zhi Circus. “We’re going somewhere else, anywhere else,” says Darren. “And hopefully we don’t have to deal with any of these people ever again. That’s all I’m going to say.”
Currently Miles Gunner is still in custody, and funeral arrangements are being made for Jessica’s body. More information will be reported as it becomes available.
- Posted by THE NAMELESS NARRATOR
Note: The original version of this article contained a picture of Miles Gunner, but Joe Hanson deleted it, to “protect his privacy.”
Though he’s only been incarcerated for two months, multi-platinum rapper Lil’ Wayne is already declaring himself “the best prisoner alive.”
“Weezy F. Baby!” exclaimed Lil’ Wayne, from his cell in Rikers Island. “You know what it is! I’m the king. Ain’t nobody else on my level. Nobody. I’m one of the greatest to ever serve time. Best prisoner alive.”
These words spurred a groundswell of support from young prison fans, who excitedly spammed message boards and designed T-shirts to proclaim Lil’ Wayne’s dominance. However, the vast majority of prison fans remain unconvinced.
“Just because you say you are the best prisoner alive doesn’t mean you are the best prisoner alive,” says prison critic Heath Fresno. “Every prisoner says he’s the best prisoner alive. I don’t know why people are so eager to believe Lil’ Wayne when he says it. He doesn’t even have a classic riot.”
To date, Wayne’s started seven prison riots, which have ranged in quality from mediocre to okay to good. Yet young prison fans insist his riots are among the greatest to ever take place. “F*ck the haterz!!!!” writes WeezyFan1994, on the Lil Wayne Discussion Forums. “He’z runnin dis game!!! Yall juss jealous!!! U need 2 get used 2 these words: Weezy: Best prisoner alive!!! Yeah!!! Young Money 4eva!!!”
“I don’t think his fans are that familiar with prison,” says Heath. “Don’t get me wrong - Lil’ Wayne’s alright. But there are so many other great prisoners - Ray-Z, Nazz, 2-Glocks, Piggy, Sock’im, Big Stabby Kane, Starface, KRS-Gun, Ice Dude, Ghostface Killah. Is Lil’ Wayne really a better prisoner than those guys? Is his riotography really on their level? I don’t think so.”
Lil’ Wayne fans may find such opinions to be snobbery. But the good news is, Wayne still has some time to prove himself. He won’t be released from Riker’s Island for ten months, and is already working on a new riot.
“The next one’s gonna be crazy!” exclaimed Lil’ Wayne. “Y’all aren’t even going to believe it. It’s another classic riot - that’s eight classic riots in a row. Let’s see your favorite rapper do that. Oh, wait, he can’t, unless I’m him. I’m the greatest, baby! Best prisoner alive!”
Bad Boy Records has just released the official tracklist and cover art for Diddy’s fifth studio album, Last Train To Paris.
1. LET’S GO!!!! BE GREAT PEOPLE!!! LOCK IN!!! 2. Money Club Happy Dance Time 3. Who Wants To Be My Assistant? Insane Masochists. 4. I Throw Parties With Breakdancing Unicorns. You? 5. Something Nas Ghostwrote For Me 6. Some Re-Purposed Biggie Vocals 7. I Invented The Remix, And The Kinetoscope 8. Alright, Farnsworth, Stop Fucking Around And Get My Dry Cleaning 9. LET’S GET IT!!! HATE IS 4 SUCKAS!!! SPREAD LOVE!!! 10. Something T.I. Ghostwrote For Me 11. Sex Love Girl Dance Shopping 12. Vote For U.S. Senator Amy Klobuchar, Or Die 13. A Sincere Apology For “Come With Me” 14. Making The Band, That Won’t Stay Together 15. Something Royce da 5’9” Ghostwrote For Me 16. Awkward Elevator Ride (ft. Shyne) 17. Ironically, I Wake Up In The Morning Feeling Like Ke$ha 18. DON’T STOP!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The album features producers that want to be invited to Diddy’s parties, singers that want to be invited to Diddy’s parties and rappers that want to be invited to Diddy’s parties. Pick up Last Train To Paris on June 22nd, and you yourself might be invited to one of Diddy’s parties!*
*You will never be invited to one of Diddy’s parties. Unless you are employed as one of his Human Coasters. In which case, you will be given a heavy dosage of anesthesia, duct taped to an ivory table, and remember nothing.
Joe Budden is best known as a rapper, thanks to his hit single “Pump It Up” and classic mixtape Mood Muzik 2. But in the past few years, he’s also made a name for himself as a video blogger. His online series Joe Budden TV has gotten hundreds of thousands of views, capturing interactions with friends, entourage members and model/ex-girlfriend Tahiry. Now, with Joe Budden TV entering its second year, the Jersey MC has an idea for how to spice things up: a live Webcam in the bathroom.
“This is real life,” says Joe Budden. “Real reality. Nothing is scripted. I want to share everything about my life with my fans. I want you to watch me poop.”
The Webcam is positioned directly in front of the toilet at Joe Budden’s New Jersey home. Since it went live, there have been stretches of dead air, but also moments of action, including Joe Budden urinating, Joe Budden defecating and Joe Budden washing his hands. In an especially memorable moment, Joe Budden looked into the mirror wistfully, smoked a cigarette, and said, “Damn. I look good. That is one handsome man. Pause.”
“Listen,” says Joe Budden. “My music is introspective. Intro. Spective. A lot of rappers are fake - I’m not fake. I show you my real personality. I show you the many faces of Joe Budden. And now you get to see my face when I drop a dookie.”
So far feedback to Joe Budden Bathroom TV has been mixed. Fans have given the acclaimed MC props for trying something new, but expressed concern he may have gone too far. “Joe Budden’s one of the illest rappers alive, but he needs to lay off the Webcam,” writes NudeMuzikScrew, on the Joe Budden TV Forums. “It’s too much. I don’t want to see him wipe his butt. Maybe that guy from Raekwon’s entourage should stop by and knock some sense into him.”
“Hey, I’m not here to make friends,” says Joe Budden. “I’m on the cutting edge of technology. Let me break that down for you: The cutting. Edge. Of technology. I was one of the first rappers on YouTube, I was one of the first rappers on Twitter, and now I’m the first rapper to take a doody on camera. Unless you count R.Kelly. Pause.”
Time will tell if Joe Budden Bathroom TV is a success. But in the meantime, fans can expect some surprises - like yesterday’s guest appearance from friend and fellow Slaughterhouse member Royce da 5’9”.
“That’s me,” said Royce, as he pointed to Joe Budden’s poop floating in the toilet. “Because I’m the shit!” Royce then burst out laughing and chugged Patron for two minutes. “I’m the shit!” he screamed, with a cackle. “You little fruits! Next time you say you gotta take a shit…say you gotta take a Royce!”
“Pause,” added Joe Budden, as he zipped up his fly and buckled his belt. “Pause.”
Compton rapper Game has had a longstanding beef with 50 Cent. Over the past five years, their on-again, off-again feud has led to dozens of diss songs, multiple videos, three failed peace treaties and one wounded entourage member. Now, in order to drum up publicity for his upcoming R.E.D. Album, Game is going back to the well, and will release a 50 Cent diss song and 50 Cent apology song on the same day.
“Yo, f*ck 50 Cent,” says Game. “That dude is straight up b*tch, for real. He and all them other fools in G-Unit can suck a fat d*ck. A big fat, Compton d*ck. Straight up. I got love for those guys, though. They have mad talent and they’re dear, dear friends. Shoutout to 50 Cent and everyone else in G-Unit. You guys are the best. I love you.”
The two songs - entitled “F*ck You, 50 Cent” and “I’m Sorry, 50 Cent” - will be released to radio and the Internet on Tuesday, May 4th. A recent listening session revealed them to be full of scathing invective, heartfelt apology, delirious anger and tearful regret.
On “F*ck You, 50 Cent,” Game raps, “F*ck you, Curtis Jackson, you just like Ja / Singin’ every hook pretty, like you just hit the spa / I should shoot you in the face, no one would miss you a bit / It’s like my homey Dr. Dre said - ‘B*tches Ain’t Sh*t.”
Meanwhile, on “I’m Sorry, 50 Cent,” Game raps, “I’m sorry, Curtis Jackson, I don’t know what I said / I miss you so much, sometimes I wish I was dead / Can’t believe we haven’t spoken in so many years / I’m like ‘Pac when I think about you - “So Many Tears.”
It might seem strange for Game to harbor such mixed feelings toward 50 Cent, but their relationship has always had this dichotomy: On Game’s body, there are tattoos of “G-Unit” and “G-Unot.” At Game’s house, there is a picture of 50 Cent he throws darts at, and a picture of 50 Cent he has long conversations with, while drunk. And when Game’s wife gives birth to twins this September, the boy will be named Curtis to pay tribute to 50 Cent, and the daughter will be named Curtis to mock 50 Cent, and make him seem unmanly.
“This sh*t isn’t rocket science,” says Game. “When I first got into rap, 50 was my mentor and my friend. He taught me everything I know, and I got a lot of respect for him. I just want to shoot him in the face, because he means nothing to me.”
Game’s The R.E.D. Album drops June 15th, and is full of disparaging and friendly references to the G-Unit frontman. On the inside cover, there is even a personal note, dedicating the album “to my good friend 50 Cent, and whoever kills that stupid punk, 50 Cent.” Yet Game does not rule out the possibility of a future collaboration.
“Hell, yeah, I’d collaborate with 50!” Game exclaims. “When we were together, we made our best music. I’d never work with him again, though, because he’s an a**hole. Wack-ass clown. But he’s really talented. We should hang out again. I’ll punch him in the face. That’s my brother. I want to murder him. Big shout-out to 50 Cent, Yayo, Buck, Banks - keep doing your thing. Get money. I hope you fail. I got a lot of love for y’all. I wish you were dead. Know what I’m sayin’?”
On April 19, 2010, Jessica Dunlop left her office at Interscope Records and never came back. Now police are conducting a nationwide search, and encourage anyone with information to step forward. For example, you might say, “Joe Hanson, the creator of FakeRapNews.com, was out all night on April 19th, and has no alibi.”
Jessica, 35, has blond hair, brown eyes and a tan complexion. On her last day at work, she was preparing publicity materials for two hotly anticipated albums - 50 Cent’s Black Magic and Eminem’s Recovery. She was also fielding calls from bloggers who were desperately trying to get the scoop on these albums - including Joe Hanson, of FakeRapNews.com.
Joe called Jessica on the afternoon of April 19th, from the living room of his secret mountaintop mansion in Los Angeles. He asked if he could get the tracklists and cover art for Black Magic and Recovery, and Jessica said no. Joe replied, “That’s a shame,” and hung up. Then he went into the bathroom, screamed for twenty minutes, took five shots of whiskey, pulled all the legs off a spider, brought the spider’s body to the garage, set it beneath the automated garage door, pressed the button to make the automated garage door go down, and laughed, laughed, laughed.
If you happen to see Jessica Dunlop, or discover any useful information, please alert the authorities. For example, you might say something like: “My name is The Nameless Narrator, and I serve Joe Hanson in his secret mountaintop mansion in Los Angeles. On April 19, he was gone all night, and the next morning he claimed he ‘went to a bar and hooked up with a girl.’ If you have ever met Joe Hanson, you know that this story is incredibly far-fetched. He is unattractive, has a terrible personality and dresses like a hobo. If he hooked up with any girl, it must have been Jessica Dunlop, and he must have SCRATCHED HER WITH A HOOK.”
That is just an example of something you might say. I, of course, would never publicly accuse Joe Hanson of kidnapping, lying, occultism, necromancy, blasphemy or dark wizardry. Though you have to admit it is curious - quite curious - how Joe was the only blogger to get the details on Black Magicand Recovery, and how he adamantly denied having anything to do with Jessica Dunlop in both posts. It is almost as if he has something to hide.
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The rap industry has long been dominated by males, with only a handful of female acts crossing over into the mainstream. However, in the past few years, Young Money affiliate Nicki Minaj has emerged as a force to be reckoned with, and is quickly becoming hip hop’s hottest female goofy face maker.
“I grew up watching a lot of In Living Color,” says Nicki. “Fire Marshall Bill was like a hero to me. I wanted to make goofy faces just like Jim Carrey, and I would practice in front of the mirror for hours. My dream was to be the Fire Marshall Bill of hip hop.”
“I try to remember my roots,” says Nicki. “I remember when I was a kid, playing Super Mario 64…you know the title screen? Where you could stretch Mario’s face out? I used to play that for hours. I never even played the rest of the game. I would just make a goofy face on Mario, and try to make my face look like that. I just did it because it was fun. I had no idea that when I grew up, that’s how I’d make my living.”
Pandemonium broke out at the Lakeside Shopping Center last weekend, as rapper and producer Master P mooned a crowd of dozens, making them say “uhhh.”
Police say it isn’t uncommon to see Master P in Metairie, Louisiana, as it is a suburb of his birthplace, New Orleans. However, this is his first incident of public indecency, and they are taking it seriously.
Rapper Canibus is being accused of plagiarism for his latest album, Prentice Hall Biology. While the underground MC has always been known for his scientific rhymes, critics say that his new album crosses the line - in that everything he raps is quoted verbatim from the high school science textbook Prentice Hall Biology, by Miller & Levine.
Prentice Hall Biology is Canibus’ tenth studio album, and each song has the same title as a chapter in Prentice Hall Biology, the high school science textbook. Since there are no choruses, each track consists of Canibus rapping random passages verbatim, with the only deviations being the occasional “yeah,” “yo” or “uh!”
“We thought about suing Canibus to get a cut of his record sales,” says Ken, “but he doesn’t really have any record sales.”
Early this morning, Salt Lake City police found the body of missing Interscope Records publicist Jessica Dunlop in the meat freezer of the traveling San Zhi Circus. The freezer belonged to lion tamer Miles Gunner, who was immediately arrested and taken into custody. Upon closer inspection of the body, police discovered that it was perfectly intact, except for one shocking detail - the brain was missing.
Miles refused to say where Jessica’s brain was located, and police did not find it during a comprehensive search of the San Zhi Circus premises. They were also unable to glean a motive from Miles, who answered each question calmly, staring out at the crowd of policeman and journalists with piercing black eyes.
Esmeralda became increasingly suspicious over the past week, as Miles appeared more haggard than usual. “I knew something was up,” said Esmeralda. “I had this terrible dream one night, about a short, pale man with spiky blond hair. Then I woke up and saw these weird lights on in Miles’ tent. The whole week after that, he was acting weird. So I sneaked into his tent the other night, found the body in the freezer, and called the police.”
Though he’s only been incarcerated for two months, multi-platinum rapper Lil’ Wayne is already declaring himself “the best prisoner alive.”
To date, Wayne’s started seven prison riots, which have ranged in quality from mediocre to okay to good. Yet young prison fans insist his riots are among the greatest to ever take place. “F*ck the haterz!!!!” writes WeezyFan1994, on the Lil Wayne Discussion Forums. “He’z runnin dis game!!! Yall juss jealous!!! U need 2 get used 2 these words: Weezy: Best prisoner alive!!! Yeah!!! Young Money 4eva!!!”
Joe Budden is best known as a rapper, thanks to his hit single “Pump It Up” and classic mixtape Mood Muzik 2. But in the past few years, he’s also made a name for himself as a video blogger. His online series Joe Budden TV has gotten hundreds of thousands of views, capturing interactions with friends, entourage members and model/ex-girlfriend Tahiry. Now, with Joe Budden TV entering its second year, the Jersey MC has an idea for how to spice things up: a live Webcam in the bathroom.
So far feedback to Joe Budden Bathroom TV has been mixed. Fans have given the acclaimed MC props for trying something new, but expressed concern he may have gone too far. “Joe Budden’s one of the illest rappers alive, but he needs to lay off the Webcam,” writes NudeMuzikScrew, on the Joe Budden TV Forums. “It’s too much. I don’t want to see him wipe his butt. Maybe that guy from Raekwon’s entourage should stop by and knock some sense into him.”
Compton rapper Game has had a longstanding beef with 50 Cent. Over the past five years, their on-again, off-again feud has led to dozens of diss songs, multiple videos, three failed peace treaties and one wounded entourage member. Now, in order to drum up publicity for his upcoming R.E.D. Album, Game is going back to the well, and will release a 50 Cent diss song and 50 Cent apology song on the same day.
It might seem strange for Game to harbor such mixed feelings toward 50 Cent, but their relationship has always had this dichotomy: On Game’s body, there are tattoos of “G-Unit” and “G-Unot.” At Game’s house, there is a picture of 50 Cent he throws darts at, and a picture of 50 Cent he has long conversations with, while drunk. And when Game’s wife gives birth to twins this September, the boy will be named Curtis to pay tribute to 50 Cent, and the daughter will be named Curtis to mock 50 Cent, and make him seem unmanly.
On April 19, 2010, Jessica Dunlop left her office at Interscope Records and never came back. Now police are conducting a nationwide search, and encourage anyone with information to step forward. For example, you might say, “Joe Hanson, the creator of FakeRapNews.com, was out all night on April 19th, and has no alibi.”