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Early this morning, Salt Lake City police found the body of missing Interscope Records publicist Jessica Dunlop in the meat freezer of the traveling San Zhi Circus. The freezer belonged to lion tamer Miles Gunner, who was immediately arrested and taken into custody. Upon closer inspection of the body, police discovered that it was perfectly intact, except for one shocking detail - the brain was missing.
Miles Gunner, 52, is tall, athletic and bald, with a black goatee and the curious tattoo “DWF” on his spine. He joined the San Zhi Circus sometime in the 1980’s, and gained notoriety for his masterful control of the lions. While most lion tamers used whips and harsh words to control their beasts, Miles used nothing. The lions seemed preternaturally scared of him, and were instantly servile at all times. It is unclear why a lion tamer would murder a Los Angeles-based publicist, but Miles directly admitted his involvement in the crime.
“I am responsible for what has happened to Jessica, though it is erroneous to say she is dead,” stated Miles. “She is free. And it would be a grave, grave mistake to remove the body from the freezer and let it spoil. I say that not as a threat, but because Jessica would find it insulting. She would not like that very much, at all.”
Miles refused to say where Jessica’s brain was located, and police did not find it during a comprehensive search of the San Zhi Circus premises. They were also unable to glean a motive from Miles, who answered each question calmly, staring out at the crowd of policeman and journalists with piercing black eyes.
“I did this because I am a psychopath, like you might see in the movies,” stated Miles matter-of-factly. “And I acted completely alone, so there is no need for you to investigate further. I would just like to say that it is very unfortunate that you decided to turn me in, Esmeralda - very, very unfortunate.”
Esmeralda Mills, 31, is the wife and assistant to magician Darren Hunt, 33. The couple had recently joined the San Zhi Circus as a performing act, though Esmeralda had always been leery of the “creepy” staff members.
“It is like everyone here is keeping a secret,” said Esmeralda. “It’s hard to describe. They liked my husband, and always said he had ‘potential,’ but they were very stand-offish to me. Especially Miles. It was terrifying how he would always look at you without speaking, and how wherever he went, there was the overwhelming smell of fish.”
Esmeralda became increasingly suspicious over the past week, as Miles appeared more haggard than usual. “I knew something was up,” said Esmeralda. “I had this terrible dream one night, about a short, pale man with spiky blond hair. Then I woke up and saw these weird lights on in Miles’ tent. The whole week after that, he was acting weird. So I sneaked into his tent the other night, found the body in the freezer, and called the police.”
San Zhi Circus performers refused to comment on the matter, and police quickly grew frustrated with the staff. Though the circus employs about a hundred people, and claims to constantly tour throughout the country, there is no bookkeeping or paperwork to confirm any of it. The San Zhi Circus manager, Lee Wen-Yeh, does not speak English, and the San Zhi Circus owners are unnamed, purportedly living at an undisclosed address somewhere in Taiwan.
Darren Hunt says that he and Esmeralda are done performing with the San Zhi Circus. “We’re going somewhere else, anywhere else,” says Darren. “And hopefully we don’t have to deal with any of these people ever again. That’s all I’m going to say.”
Currently Miles Gunner is still in custody, and funeral arrangements are being made for Jessica’s body. More information will be reported as it becomes available.
- Posted by THE NAMELESS NARRATOR
Note: The original version of this article contained a picture of Miles Gunner, but Joe Hanson deleted it, to “protect his privacy.”
PREVIOUSLY: Police Conducting Nationwide Search For Missing Interscope Publicist
On April 19, 2010, Jessica Dunlop left her office at Interscope Records and never came back. Now police are conducting a nationwide search, and encourage anyone with information to step forward. For example, you might say, “Joe Hanson, the creator of FakeRapNews.com, was out all night on April 19th, and has no alibi.”
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